It was a crushing blow that hits at the very core of where many men live. I had a client with erectile dysfunction come to me with concerns about his penis size adding that after 8 years if marriage, his wife stated that she was dissatisfied and said “something” indicating his penis was too small and not hard enough. Unfortunately, the client had not had a conversation with his wife communicating his dismay and had not clarified specifically whether she was referring to his size alone or referring to his “size” when he could not get fully hard.

For those of us who value sex, both male and female, the phallus draws us in. We see them everywhere: buildings, cars, rockets, writing utensils, and yes, even owl statues. We clearly hold the phallus in high esteem; however, a problem arises when comparisons are made.

In general men believe that the average penis length is 6 inches. This might be a biased rounding error, but undoubtedly still a comparison that leaves many men feeling, well, ashamed. In reality, scientists state that they don’t know the true “average” length of the penis. Their best estimate is that the average penis length is 3.5 inches flaccid and 5.1 to 5.5 inches long when erect. Penile girth when flaccid is 3.66 inches and 4.59 inches erect. In the real world, reported penis size is often inaccurate as people do not consistently measure. The correct way to measure is to take a measuring tape or ruler, press it into the top side of groin area or pubic bone of an erect penis and measure to the tip. Girth can be measured with a measuring tape around the widest part of an erect penis.

Men, if you continue engaging in the comparison dance, here are some facts: Only about 5% of men (5 out of 100) have erect penises longer than 6.3 inches. That means that 95% of men, 95 out of 100, have penis lengths less than 6.3 inches. It’s probably not surprising to you that some porn and cultural stereotypes lead to additional concerns about penis length.

So, what is the take home message? Let’s go back to the gentleman introduced above. I think most of us agree that comparisons alone are dangerous and comparisons without the facts can lead to distress. However, communication and as well as knowledge were the keys to this gentleman’s personal growth. Most importantly, he understood that if he were able to communicate with his wife better, he could have clarified and addressed the phallic inaccuracies.